Many of us have had painful experiences that others would have gone crazy over. We come out of those experiences very different. We may describe the rest of our lives as “before that” and “after that”.
Jesus called my baby boy home at the age of 2 years and 6 months. That was 16 years ago! Today he would be 18 years old. I realize that I am not the first mother or the last one to experience this type of pain, but it’s rarely discussed. I sure don’t want to make others anxious with my story. But I never hide it!
Some people relive their experiences over and over without being able to move forward. Others, sometimes with the help of counselors, have dealt appropriately with the pain and are able to deal with daily life without falling apart. Some people act the way they think they are supposed to act, the way they think people expect them to act. But oftentimes that behavior is inauthentic. It’s okay to feel what you feel, when you feel it. It’s okay to act how you need to act when you feel it.
Sometimes you have to use your pain to help someone else. You didn’t sign up for
it, but since it happened, you know what it looks like on the other side. I have had conversations with mothers who had similar situations because I was the only one they could think of who might understand. Many times it was a telephone chat facilitated by someone else and I never met that person.
When you lose a child, you lose the physical being, but your dreams and hopes for that child also die. The plans and intentions for schools, vacations, homes, proms, birthday parties all die too. This season of celebrating others’ proms, graduations, trunk parties and college send offs has been extremely difficult, but I don’t begrudge others their joy!
Love your children and live life to the fullest. I have no regrets!
Happy 19th Birthday Quinn!